What’s In a Name?

I’ve been thinking of changing my name.

In 2001, I was dealing with a lot of things. I was going through a divorce. I attempted to start a relationship that ended abruptly with me facing a fabricated rape accusation. I was beginning to deal with the fact that I had few accomplishments in life and that that I had no direction or goals. It was not a fun time. I emerged from this series of events with a sense of direction (which has now changed, but whatevs) and a decision to go to school. I met new people, developed new skills, and changed how I looked at life. It was good.

This time was punctuated by the planet Mars bitch-slapping my natal chart. Mars was transiting my natal Pluto (conjunct Venus in Libra). It moved along into Scorpio and transited my natal Sun (combust Uranus and conjunct Mercury), and then kept going into Sagittarius where it transited my natal Neptune. Natal Neptune was already being transited by Chiron, which was fun enough. But then when transiting Mars conjuncted transiting Chiron, it did a real bastard thing and went retrograde, swinging back to my natal Sun/Uranus/Mercury in Scorpio, where it went direct again to hit Neptune.

Now, this is a lot of astrological bullshit to digest, so I’ll simplify a bit. The planet of action poked the planets of my chart that deal with my deepest sense of self, of my sense of purpose, and my hopes and dreams. In the process of doing so, it met up with the planet that teaches through pain, reversed itself to poke my ego some more, and then stuck around long enough to make sure everything was thoroughly messed with before moving on. This was one of the most intense astrological configurations I endured, rivaling (if not overshadowing) my Saturn return years later.

It left its mark on me. I took it as an initiation, and drew my name from it.

Chiron. Pluto. Uranus. Chirotus. (I added the “last name” of Infinitum because most online forums required a last name, and it sounded suitably mysterious and pretentious enough.)

I like the name, and I feel it has a nice enough ring to it. (Remember, the ch makes a hard k sound. ky-rho-tus) And under that name, I have produced a small body of work that some people have seen value in. (Some people use my stuff in their BoS’s and their group workings! Validation and praise! Be still my ego!) So I am reluctant to let it go.

But I start to wonder how long I should keep on to it. Is it serving its purpose any longer? Those events were so long ago, and while they marked a distinct change in my look on life, I’m not sure how much direct influence they still have on me, magically. There have probably been other astrological events that have impacted me that I didn’t commemorate in name, and probably significant changes in magical and religious path that I have not so honored. That chaos mage that I was is now a devoted Roman Polytheist. How should I honor that?

So I’m thinking of changing my name. Perhaps something that marks my Roman heritage. Or somehow designates where I am, or where I wish to be. Hmmm …..

Advertisements

One response to “What’s In a Name?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s